As a single mother, you’re probably used to people making assumptions about you. You might be asked if you have a boyfriend or if your child’s father is around. You may even be asked why you don’t have a boyfriend or spouse.
But the fact is that single mothers can be just as loving and capable as married mothers when it comes to raising a child. They’re strong, they’re resilient, they’re determined. They make sacrifices that many of us could never even imagine. And yet, single motherhood is looked down upon by society as a whole. Why?
Why are single mothers looked down upon?
To start with, let’s define what we mean by “stigmatized“.
What Is Stigmatized In Single Moms?
Stigma: A mark of disgrace or discredit; a stain or reproach.
In this context, we can think of stigma as the result of being treated poorly because of something that you have no control over—such as your sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, race/ethnicity, socioeconomic status, or any other aspect of who you are.
So, what do we mean when we talk about the stigma against single mothers? We’re talking about people who feel shame or embarrassment because they have a child without having a partner in their life.
There are many reasons why this might happen—but they all come down to one simple fact: there are still many people who don’t understand the role that choice plays in creating families. The idea of choice has been something that has been stigmatized in many cultures and communities in people worldwide.
The truth is that single motherhood is a very real issue in modern society, particularly in the United States. In 2016, there were approximately 42 births per 1,000 unmarried women in the United States. Around four in ten births were to women who were either single or living with a partner who was not their husband.
In addition, in 2019, almost a quarter of U.S. children under 18 live with a single parent (23%), more than three times the share of children worldwide who do so (7%). These numbers have been steadily increasing since 1960 when only 11% of children lived with a parent who was not married at the time of their birth.
While some say there’s nothing wrong with being a single mother and it’s just another lifestyle choice like being gay or straight or vegetarian, many think it’s still stigmatized because it goes against what our society deems “normal” behavior for couples who have sex and then have babies together.
The truth is that there are many reasons why someone would choose to become a single mother, and all of those reasons should not be judged by others based on what other people think about them!
Read more: How To Make Friends As A Stay-At-Home Mom
The Single Mom Stigma
When you’re a single mother, you get used to hearing some pretty harsh comments about your situation.
“Oh, you must be so lonely.”
“Aren’t you worried about the kids growing up without a father?”
“What’s wrong with your husband?”
The stigma around single motherhood is a real thing. When someone says something like this to you, it can feel like they’re saying that your family is broken and that there’s something wrong with your marriage.
And maybe there is! But these comments also make it sound like there’s something wrong with being single moms—and that’s just not true.
When you’re a single mother, people often look at you differently and expect you to be a terrible mother that is less capable, less responsible, and more likely to fail than they would if they met your partner.
People assume about the quality of your life based on your relationship status as a single mom. They look at you and think, “She’s not married? How is she going to do all of this alone?”.
This stigma can also come from other moms who don’t understand what it means to be a single mom. They might judge you for having decided to be on your own rather than stay in relationships and just deal with the problem as everyone else does.
Single mums shouldn’t have to constantly defend themselves or their lifestyle choices just because they don’t have another parent around all day every day—and that goes for single fathers too! Single motherhood can be stigmatized for a few reasons:
- It’s seen as an indicator of poor character or lack of morals.
- It’s often associated with poverty.
- It’s often associated with a lack of resources (as in the case of unmarried women who become pregnant).
However, these are all misconceptions about what being a single mother really means—and they need to be corrected! This terrible opinion is heavily ingrained in society, but it’s not true. Single mothers are just like any other parent—they’re working hard to provide for their families all the time.
Single parents are just as capable of raising a healthy, happy child as any other two parents might be. The only difference between single mothers and wedded parents is that they don’t have a partner to help them raise their children. That’s it!
What Causes A Mom To Become A Single Mother?
There is no single cause for a mom to become a single mother, but there are several factors that can contribute to this decision. The most common reason for becoming single mothers is divorce or separation from fathers because of a toxic relationship. However, sometimes a woman may choose to become pregnant on her own and raise a child as a single parent.
If you’ve been keeping up with the news, you may have heard about Prime Minister David Cameron’s recent comments about single mothers. He said that it’s too easy for women to become single mothers and that we need to make it harder for them.
But what does this mean? And why would he make such a statement? Many people have criticized this statement, saying that it is not fair to blame the soldiers for their choices—and that it is even more unfair to blame women for becoming single mothers.
Prime Minister David Cameron has also asked for a review of the way single mothers are treated in the UK. This is in response to a report that showed that single mothers are possibly drug-addicted or have alcohol problems than other mothers with partners.
The fact is becoming single parents is not always an easy decision. It can be caused by many things, including death, divorce, or even abandonment by a spouse or partner. Single motherhood is not uncommon and is becoming increasingly common as the number of divorced moms increases.
Even though the majority of single mothers are not on welfare, and even if they do receive some government assistance, they are still often treated like criminals. Single mothers are often shamed for having a child out of wedlock and even if they did marry the father, they are still seen as “less than” other mothers because they aren’t in relationships.
This terrible opinion hurts all women who want to be mothers, whether or not they have been wedded or had a child before marriage. It also hurts all children who are raised by single mothers because it makes them feel like less than everyone else.
Letting Go Of The Single Mother Stigma
When I was growing up, my mom was always a single mom. I don’t remember a time when she wasn’t, and it wasn’t until recently that I realized how much that stigma has affected my life and how many people are still affected by it.
When you’re a single mother, you’re expected to do everything yourself. You’re not allowed to ask for help or even let your kids see you struggle because then they might think something is wrong with their family or their upbringing, or maybe even themselves.
You’re also not allowed to talk about the challenges of raising a child alone. You can’t mention anything about your personal problems or struggles without being judged for not having a partner (because obviously, no one can do anything on their own).
It’s ridiculous how many misconceptions there are around single mothers—and how much those misconceptions affect women who are brave enough to try for something different than what society tells them is “normal.” But let me tell you something: there is nothing normal about being a parent!
You’re a single mother. You’re not alone. You have to remind yourself of that every time someone says, “Oh, but you’re so young!” or “How can you take care of your baby when you have to work?” or “Aren’t you worried about what people will think?”
Because you know what? You are still the same person, no matter how hard it is for other people to see past their own social norms and prejudices. You are still capable of becoming a loving mum and raising your child, and that’s all that matters—not whether or not you fit into common stereotypes.
You can help destroy this stereotype.
I’m sure you’ve heard before that single mothers are lazy, irresponsible, and unmotivated. They’re a drain on society and a burden to their child. This is a common stereotype that’s been around for a long time—and I think it’s time we did something about it.
Single mothers are just as capable of raising happy and healthy children as any other parent, and they deserve to be treated with respect. The stigma of being a single mother is a real thing, and it’s not going away anytime soon. But you know what? That’s okay! Because we’re going to take this stigma head-on, and we’re going to win!
Share this great post and let’s make sure that everyone knows how awesome single mothers are!
References
Sperling, Valerie. “Women without Men: Single Mothers and Family Change in the New Russia.” Canadian Slavonic Papers, vol. 57, no. 3/4, Taylor & Francis Ltd., Sept. 2015, p. 335.
Bonner, Teresa. “Here’s How the American Family Has Changed in the Past 50 Years.” Pennlive, 15 June 2018, www.pennlive.com/news/erry-2018/06/3dd6bfa9da3775/heres_how_the_american_family.html.
Livingston, Gretchen. “Facts on Unmarried Parents in the U.S.” Pew Research Center’s Social & Demographic Trends Project, 25 Apr. 2018, www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2018/04/25/the-changing-profile-of-unmarried-parents/.
“Children of Single Mothers: How Do They Really Fare?” Psychology Today, 2009, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/200901/children-single-mothers-how-do-they-really-fare.
