Is it OK to be a single mom by choice? Society has programmed most women that there’s a definitive path to having a child. Get a career, partner up with the love of your life, go through marriage, share finances, and have kids with them.
However, the traditional way does not work for everyone. As time, science, and human experiences evolved, modern women have started building their lives the way they want them to unfold and going on the path of single motherhood by choice is one of those.
This decision might sound overwhelming and uncertain at first, but many women out there pave the way to build a strong support system for those who want to take a more unique approach.
Some single mothers wished they’d done it sooner. If you’re planning to become one of those women to go through the same journey, here are 13 things you need to know:
1. The Deepest Desire to Become A Single Mother by Choice
Here’s the truth. Not all long-term relationships will pan out how we want them to happen.
If you’re someone in your mid to late 30s and trying to join the dating pool again, the overabundance of options on dating sites is prevalent but not all men are qualified to become a father.
The good news is that you don’t have to let single motherhood hinder your future romantic relationships. While this may not ring true for some, the thing about the biological clock is real. Love can happen anytime but your eggs won’t wait an entire life.
2. Doing it alone
Choosing the path of becoming a single mother is a proactive decision that needs a plan. Fortunately, we are living in modern times where different processes of conception are now possible.
You can do further research on these but here’s what works for some:
Sperm donor
Sperm donors may be anonymous or known, and they may donate through a sperm bank or fertility clinic or private arrangements. A sperm donor provides his sperm to be used for artificial insemination or other fertility treatments to help someone conceive a child.
In vitro fertilization (IVF)
Known to be an expensive but effective method of fertility treatment. The egg is going to be fertilized in a lab, outside the woman’s body. Research says that women under 35 years old have higher chances of success on their first try.
Adoption
This is the process of parents legally taking in a child and raising them as their own. This can be done domestically or internationally. Here’s a reference where you can find the Top 20 Easiest countries to adopt a child.
Gestational Carrier
This is a process where the intended mother’s egg is fertilized with the intended father’s sperm through IVF. The resulting embryo is then implanted into a surrogate who carries the pregnancy to term.
3. Changing Priorities
Before embracing the single parenting journey, most women have gone through their fair share of sorrow and remorse because their desire of giving birth to them with their partner didn’t come to fruition.
After all, life is not just about partnerships. They realize that unconditional love can come in various ways and becoming a single mom is one of the great joys they can experience.
The new goal is to get stable professionally, and financially, have a child, and be open to letting love happen naturally.
4. The Path of Pregnancy
The thought of being pregnant and having your first child through your efforts, finances, and determination is rewarding and life-changing at the same time.
Things just don’t happen in the usual way for everyone and that is okay. There are no timelines and there is no linear path to having a child as parenting choices have evolved.
Being a single mom by choice is not for the faint-hearted, there will be struggles but when you see your child smiling, you will feel accomplished.
5. It is exhausting
Having interrupted and very little amount of sleep at night, loss of freedom, working full time to support their needs, and parenting them on top of that.
Sleep deprivation is the kind of exhaustion that will deplete your energy at all levels. (Physically, mentally, and your life in general).
As a single mom, there is no one to assist you instantly whenever you feel like getting help in the household. Changing diapers, feeding the baby’s milk, prepping your food, cleaning the house, and doing your laundry. It’s all on you.
6. It’s quite lonely
Witnessing your child’s little milestones is a fond memory to treasure. Seeing your baby crawls for the first time or say their first word, “mama” is truly heartwarming.
Part of being a single mother means you’re the only person who will manage to do all the little stuff for your baby – constant diaper change, feeding, and outfit changes and before you know it, it’s already past lunchtime and you still haven’t taken a shower.
The exhaustion and tiredness are on a different level because there’s no one else that will look after the two of you.
It’s even lonelier when you’re sick and you have to go to the clinic and drag the baby with you. You’re this baby’s mom and dad. That’s a fact.
7. Self-care is still a priority
There was never a respite in the early days of nursing your baby and a lot of single moms can attest to this, but having your “me time” will always be an important factor in keeping your well-being.
Self-preservation is the key to getting balance. It can be watching your favorite episode on Netflix, reading a book, getting your nails done, or practicing mindfulness at home.
Single motherhood by choice is a tough role but you’re a strong cookie too! Don’t forget to find time to recharge your inner batteries. You’re not just a single mother, you’re a precious soul.
8. Find your mom tribe online and in real life
Finding and engaging with other single moms just like you can make you feel connected and supported emotionally. Having these women by your side can make your journey a little smoother.
Being part of the single mothers by choice community can help you navigate this path with empowerment and stability. You can communicate your feelings, rant your suppressed emotions and still feel understood.
Although you have your family, friends, and even your best friend, nothing beats a strong support system that will carry you through hardships with the utmost care, strength, and understanding.
9. It’s okay to not always love being a single parent
Without having someone to share the responsibilities, you have to be the anchor of the family that you created. Major decisions like choosing the pediatrician, arranging special appointments, searching for the right education, and insurance, founding their young beliefs, and even the spiritual path that they will grow up to.
10. On not having a partner
Becoming a single mom by choice is the ultimate goal and having a dad for your newborn is just a bonus. When you become a mom, your world will make a 360-degree turn whether you believe it or not.
Partnering up with a man that resonates with your beliefs and the lifestyle you have chosen must be the core standard. You don’t want to waste your time with immature and commitment phobics.
Although being single for a long time might sound like you’re just figuring out parenting duties on your own, knowing that you’re the sole decision-maker won’t make you feel anxious if you’ve met someone else’s expectations or not.
11. On having great male role models
When you have a great male role model for your kids, regardless of gender, it can help them better their perspective toward men in general. If they grew up in a household where they see quality men that possesses traits such as diligence, perseverance, and strength, it can teach them important life skills so they can face their reality with utmost confidence.
Your son will develop a healthy self-concept about masculinity and can help him learn about negative stereotypes that may lead to unwanted attitudes and unusual behavior.
And your precious daughter can foster relationships with men based on mutual respect, trust, understanding, and equality.
12. On Getting Financially Stable
Before jumping into a lifetime responsibility like solo parenting, stabilizing your financial status is something you need to prioritize.
You don’t want to constantly worry about money all the time. Achieving a level of responsibility especially when it comes to your expenses is something you need to consider to reduce unexpected stressful situations in the future.
Additionally, being financially dependent can open up a lot of opportunities for you and your kid as it will allow them to experience high-quality education, healthcare, and other resources that will help them thrive in life.
13. On asking for help
As a single mother by choice, you can only do so much in a day. Seeking help from your close relatives and friends doesn’t hurt especially when events become too inconvenient to handle on your own.
Raising a tiny human being can be mentally, emotionally, and physically draining and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed and need support.
The demands of motherhood are always high and an extra hand can help you maintain work-life balance. Asking for help is not a weakness, it only shows your commitment to your child’s growth.
14. On Public Opinion
What’s best for you is the one that you choose. Do not let society pressure you into believing that there are certain ways to how things should be done. At the end of the day, you’re the one living your life, not them.
Judgments and criticism are always present and you cannot please everyone but never let any hateful remarks cloud your inner beliefs.
By staying true to yourself and your values, you can build a happy and fulfilling life for yourself and your baby.
15. On Talking To Kids
Every child deserves their piece of truth. Being honest with them at an early age will help them realize their worth as they would think that you have gone to great lengths just to conceive them and have a loving future.
It can instantly elevate their self-esteem and appreciate that there is always something more to explore.
Do single mothers by choice have any regrets?
Going through motherhood alone is something you have to think of multiple times as it requires stability and sustainability in all major areas of your existence. But without any hint of ambivalence and doubt, the pros outweigh all the cons.
They do face challenges just like a normal couple, but they also experience the true joy of bringing a human being into their world and the satisfaction of being a strong and independent parent.
What is the hardest thing about being a single mom?
Single moms may face emotional, financial, and real-world challenges such as managing a full-time job and providing childcare at the same time, not to mention the social stigma involved in the environment.
Motherhood with or without a husband will never be easy but the joy of being a mom makes all the hardships, restlessness, and sacrifices worth it in the end.
Are children of single moms happy?
Based on research, children raised by single parents, including single mothers, can thrive and be just happy and successful as children raised in two-parent households, as long as their basic and emotional needs are met from a younger age.
It’s important to remember that children are individuals and their level of adjustment depends on a multitude of factors, not only on their parent’s method of conception or marital status. With the right parenting style, you can raise a loving, self-assured, and successful child.
