Many parents find it challenging to understand what their teenager is going through and may find it hard to get their teenager to open up, but it is important for parents to keep trying. Open communication between parents and their teenagers is vital for building a strong parent-child relationship. Many teens grapple with a wide range of emotions and helping them feel comfortable talking about their feelings is crucial.
Young people often feel frustrated or they may feel vulnerable when navigating their own feelings and emotions. As parents, we can be pivotal role models in demonstrating healthy ways of processing emotions and expressing them. Through positive communication, parents can normalize discussions about feelings and provide the appropriate ways for their teenagers to convey what’s on their minds. By encouraging open conversations and being attentive listeners, parents can bridge the gap, ensuring that their teenagers not only talk about their feelings & emotions but also feel understood and supported.
How To Get A Teenager To Talk About Their Feelings (9 Tips for Parents):
1. Let your teen know you are available if they want to talk
Your teenager needs to know that you are available for them anytime they need to talk to someone. In some cases, a teenager may not perceive that they can talk to you or they may feel like they cannot talk about certain things to adults, so take the initiative to reach out, you must be direct and properly communicate with them. It is important to let a teenager know you are there whenever they want to talk.
2. Ask the right questions that get your teenager to talk
It is important to encourage teens to open up and express themselves. This can be done by asking open-ended questions like “What is something you enjoy that I don’t know about?” or “What do you wish we would do more often?”
These types of open-ended questions are effective ways to get a teenager talking and get them to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences in more detail. It could also help you as a parent discover some things about your teenager that you do not know.
3. Be honest and clear to your teen that you want to help
If you suspect your teenager is having certain difficulties, ask them directly in a considerate way. Begin the conversation by expressing your genuine concern. Let them know that you want to help them get through their difficult times and find solutions to their problems in any way you can. Even if your teenager would want to deal with their problems on their own, you must still be consistent in communicating with them and making them feel that you are available to help them anytime.
4. Listen attentively
Parents should take the time to be attentive when their teen opens up about any type of conversation. It is important that parents give their teens undivided attention during open conversations to truly understand the points of view of their teens. Recognizing that teenagers have their own lives and experiences, it is essential for parents to prioritize active listening and empathy.
Active listening improves communication with teenagers, and another way of showing that parents are actually taking in what is being said is through their body language when having a conversation with their teens. This includes making eye contact and nodding, which all indicate that parents are giving full attention when their teenagers express themselves.
5. Don’t judge
Parents should control their reactions when their teenager is talking about their actions and feelings. Making false assumptions during conversation can be very distressing to teenagers so parents should avoid this.
Teenagers are more likely to express their feelings and explain their behavior if parents don’t jump to conclusions. It is important to create a safe space for your teen where they can talk about their feelings and own opinions without the fear of being judged by their parents. It is also important to let your teenager know that their parents will still support and love them no matter what.
6. Share words of encouragement
Adolescence is a challenging period for teenagers where biological changes occur, and psychological & social challenges may take place. This is also the period where they have fragile and unstable self-esteem.
Giving words of encouragement to teenagers boosts their confidence and motivates them to continue pursuing their goals in life and overcome challenges. Positive and inspiring words can help teens deal with their negative emotions and give them a sense of purpose. Encouraging words make teenagers feel valued and it can help them feel comfortable sharing their feelings with their parents. This can help your teen develop a more positive mindset.
7. Share experiences when you were a teenager
One of the best ways to engage in conversation with a teenager is by being open to talking about your own childhood experiences. Ask yourself what are some of the meaningful experiences you had in your childhood that are worth sharing, and what are some of your life experiences during your teenage years that they can relate to. Your own experiences as a teen may provide valuable lessons and guidance to them in their daily life.
Sharing your teenage experiences will let your child get to know you better and it will show them that you understand what they are going through. This will also help you as a parent to look more approachable, which in turn will make your child comfortable freely expressing their thoughts and feelings with you.
8. Share the time when you made mistakes
It may be difficult for you as a parent to share with your child about your past mistakes to which they can relate. But being vulnerable and trying to open up about your mistakes and how you handled them can give perspective to them on how to deal with their own situation. Talking openly about mistakes can get your child to let their guard down and be at ease in admitting to you if they are struggling.
Parenting includes giving life advice to your child about how any words and actions have consequences and that they have to own up to any of their mistakes. Let them know that it is normal to make mistakes, what is important is that they are able to bounce back from those mistakes and consider them as learning opportunities.
9. Validate your teen’s feelings
To validate someone’s feelings means acknowledging and respecting how they feel may it be positive or negative. It is the act of accepting that their feelings exist and that they are valid.
Validating your teen’s feelings is important as this will provide support as they process and express their feelings and emotions. Telling your child validating statements such as “I can see why you feel that way.” or “That must have been really tough” will let them know that they are seen and that you understand where they are coming from. This will also show them that they could be able to speak to you about any problems or issues they are facing.
Parents should not dismiss and let their child suppress their feelings as this could lead to difficulties in regulating their feelings & emotions. Let your child feel and express what they are feeling, but be sure to regulate their behavior as they act upon it. Validating them does not mean allowing them to display unacceptable behavior as a result of their feelings and emotions. Let them know what actions and behaviors are acceptable or the alternatives in approaching things.
Why It’s Important For a Teenager to Talk About Their Feelings
Teenagers talking about their feelings is important for a variety of reasons:
Teenagers talking about their feelings provides a healthy outlet to release stress and anxiety, preventing those from building up and allowing teenagers to feel lighter and at ease.
Verbalizing their feelings and emotions can help teenagers process and gain clarity about what they feel. It helps them understand the root cause and come to terms with those feelings and emotions.
Parents helping their teenagers express their feelings allows them to gain a better understanding of how their teenager feels and with that, they can provide them guidance and support in their behavior and difficulties.
Adolescence can sometimes be an isolating, lonely period and teenagers may sometimes feel misunderstood. Talking about feelings and emotions helps teenagers realize that they are not alone in their experience and that others can relate to what they are going through.
Teenagers who can express their feelings in a healthy way can form deeper connections and discover common interests with their friends, family, and peers.
Teenagers who can talk about their feelings lay the foundation for effective communication in adulthood. It can give way to a healthy emotional well-being and a way to stay connected with their family & friends.
Open communication about feelings can help identify signs of anxiety, depression, or other mental health concerns early, allowing for timely intervention and support for teenagers. Encouraging open conversations about feelings can help reduce the stigma surrounding mental health issues, making it more acceptable for teenagers to seek professional help when needed.
Resources That Can Help To Support Your Teenager
It is important for parents to create an environment for their teenagers where open dialogue about feelings is encouraged and respected. Open communication and a supportive environment improve mental health and emotional well-being. There are other resources where parents can get help in getting their teens the support they need, such as their school counselors, therapists, and mental health professionals.
Here are also some available helpful online sources where you could find your teens the support they need for their mental health and emotional well-being:
Teen Counseling: A website where teens can get help from licensed therapists online. Parents can also receive advice through its services.
Crisis Text Line: Provides free and confidential, 24/7, text-based mental health support and crisis intervention.
Synergy eTherapy: Provides online counseling with licensed therapists and psychologists for adults and teens.
7 Cups: Offers services such as confidential online therapy & counseling, free 24/7 chat with those who understand in support chat rooms, and connects you to active listeners.
Talkspace: Provides online therapy services for teens and adults.
Final Thoughts
By employing effective strategies, modeling self-disclosure, and setting clear expectations, you can help teenagers learn to talk more about their feelings and develop healthy emotional management skills which can be beneficial into adulthood.
Remember also that every teenager is different. What works for one teen may not work for another, so it is important as a parent to be patient and understanding as you strive to find what is effective and useful for your teenager.
