Key Takeaways
- Clear house rules and boundaries for adult children living at home promote open communication, mutual respect, and shared expectations.
- Encourage adult children to work, contribute to the household, and learn life skills.
- Maintain family values and harmony while respecting the adult child’s independence and privacy.
- Set a realistic move-out date and offer counsel without trying to limit the adult child’s independence.Rules
Rules for 20 year old living at home are becoming important as recent studies show that more and more young adults are choosing to stay at home for longer. And this may cause problems for both the parents and the adult children.
When you have adult children living at home, finding a good balance between helping them grow and keeping the peace in the house can be hard.
As young adults become adults, parents and their children must set clear house rules and standards to ensure they can live together healthily and productively.
In this article, we’ll look at a long list of rules for 20-year-olds living in the same place as their parents.
These rules include setting family values, and limits, teaching personal responsibility, and encouraging open communication.
By following these rules, parents can help their young adults deal with the challenges of early adulthood while keeping the family home a respectful and friendly place to live.
If you’re a parent with young adults coming home or a 20-year-old trying to figure out how to live with your parents, this article will help you make your family relationships work.
What to Consider Before Living with Adult Children
Before your adult children move back home, consider a few things to guarantee everyone has fun. Start with family beliefs and values. This sets limits.
Consider whether your young adult child lives with rent or split household costs. This teaches fiscal responsibility.
Set aside free time to spend with your adult child living at home with you and a specific time for monthly family meetings.
Talk about important things like work or school goals, household duties, and anything else that must be discussed. Consider how your younger child moves other children’s presence may affect the older child’s behavior.
Finally, help your grown child become independent.
These elements can help parents and adult children grow and collaborate.
Should I Set House Rules?
House rules keep adult children living at home courteous and disciplined. Parents may help their young adult children feel secure by setting clear rules and limits.
House rules govern personal commitments, cash contributions, and household chores. They help family members respect space and discuss issues.
Young people can learn house rules and be treated fairly. Home rules help the children and parents balance their adult son or daughter’s freedom with family harmony.
Family dynamics vary. What works for many parents and most young adults may not for others. Thus, some efforts to keep young adults together with their families fail.
Gathering the family can reveal each person’s priorities and rules.
The Essential List of House Rules for 20 Year Old Living With Parents:
Sit down and agree about family values and rules.
Parents and adult children must discuss family rules and ideals if they wish to live peacefully.
You may find out what’s important to each family member and what rules should be in place by getting everyone together.
Agreeing on family values and house rules can create a more positive and supportive living situation for everyone in the parents’ house.
Read and discuss the rules that you have written out.
After setting family values and house rules, read and discuss them with your adult child at home. This ensures that everyone knows what is expected and that any difficulties, such as taking advantage of the situation, can be addressed quickly.
Good communication and active listening develop respect and cooperation. These dialogues allow family members to vent their feelings, which can help build a more calm and positive home.
Set limits.
Living happily with adult children requires limits. Create a system that meets everyone’s needs and instills responsibility by setting limits. For example:
- Limited personal living space together
- Quiet hours
- Shared responsibilities
- Cash contributions.
Be open to changing the rules as you uncover what works for your family. Limit quiet hours and your adult child’s room time as they get closer to work. You can pay them to depart for a set time in the house.
Setting rules in the house can help make it a more friendly place, and it’s important to talk to your adult children about what those rules should be.Ensure that your adult child maintains a routine, which is essential
It’s important for your adult child’s growth and development that you help them set up and stick to a daily plan. A routine can help them handle their time well, prioritize their responsibilities, and form healthy habits, like getting enough sleep and caring for themselves.
As a parent, you can help your adult child by showing them how to stick to routines and talking to them about how important it is to handle their time.
By giving your adult child a feeling of structure and discipline, you’re giving them the tools they need to take responsibility for their actions and move closer to their goals while making your home run better.
Have a plan of action.
Making a plan with your adult child is important to help them become independent and self-sufficient. Work together to set clear, attainable goals, like getting a job, going to school, or saving money for a future move.
Break these goals into smaller, more doable steps, and set dates to keep track of your progress. Review the plan often and make necessary changes to encourage open communication and teamwork.
Having a clear plan of action can help your adult child grow as a person and keep the household moving in the right way.
If unemployed, expect your adult child to get a job by a set date
When your older children still live at home, it’s important to help them be financially responsible and self-sufficient.
By giving your adult child a specific date to find a job, you help them feel responsible and like they need to move quickly in their search.
This expectation also lets them help pay for living and other household expenses, making it financially easier for the family. Check in on their work often and assist them with paying rent and household expenses when needed.
Giving your adult child a clear date for finding a job can help them grow and become more independent while balancing their living situation.
Model healthy behaviors as a parent.
As a parent, you greatly impact how your adult child lives, acts, and thinks. Your older child will also be more likely to act healthily if you do so.
For example, if you keep a balanced lifestyle, talk to people openly, and handle conflicts well, you will set a good example.
By living up to the ideals and expectations you’ve talked about, you show how important they are and create an environment that helps so many young adults and people grow and feel good about themselves.
Remember that your actions speak louder than your words, so constantly showing your adult child how to act healthily can greatly affect how they deal with life and relationships while living at home.
Discuss the consequences of breaking a rule.
When setting house rules for adult children who still live at home, it’s important to talk to them openly.
Talk about what might happen if young people don’t follow the rules so that everyone knows what could happen.
By immediately talking to older kids about the consequences, you build a sense of responsibility and show the importance of following the rules. This also makes it easier to avoid misunderstandings and creates a more open and polite place to live.
Remember to be fair and consistent when giving out consequences, and keep lines of communication open so you can talk about any problems or issues.
Overnight guests need to be discussed.
When adult children live at home, it’s important to have a clear plan for overnight guests.
Discuss the rules and standards for overnight guests staying the night to keep your children living at home comfortably and respectfully.
Set rules, like letting people know beforehand or limiting how often they can visit, to ensure everyone’s comfort and privacy are honored.
By openly discussing this topic, you can avoid arguments and mistakes and build trust and respect among family members.
Remember that genuine communication is the key to keeping everyone happy in a living setting.
“We will respect your freedom, but respect ours as well!”
When adult children live at home, it’s important to help them find a good mix between independence and respect.
As a parent, it’s important to accept your adult child’s need for independence and personal freedom while ensuring everyone in the house respects each other.
Encourage open conversation and set limits that let everyone feel like themselves and have their own space. By respecting each other’s freedom, you create a supportive and nurturing setting that encourages personal growth and healthy relationships.
This helps the whole family members live more peacefully together.
Don’t get pulled into guilt.
As a parent with an adult child living at home, it’s important to avoid feeling guilty when enforcing rules and standards.
Remember that when you set limits and encourage responsibility, you are helping your adult child grow up and become more independent. It’s normal for parents to worry about their adult children, but it’s important to remember that they must learn how to deal with problems independently.
Stay focused on the big picture, which is getting your adult child ready for a successful, independent life, and keep the lines of communication open so you can talk about any worries or emotional problems that may come up.
Remember, you’re a family, not roommates.
Setting rules and expectations is important, but the most important thing is to keep the parent-child bond at its core.
Adult children who still live at home shouldn’t be treated like roommates. Instead, you should create a caring, helpful environment that values family ties. Take part in activities together, keep the lines of communication open, and help each other out when needed, but accept each other’s independence.
By keeping the family dynamic at the center of your relationship, you can strengthen emotional bonds, make your house a good place to live that helps your adult child grow, and get closer to them.
Set collaborative boundaries and expectations.
Including your adult child in setting house rules and standards is important if you want to live in peace. Encourage open communication and make sure their ideas are taken into account.
This will help build a sense of mutual respect and understanding. Working together to set boundaries and limits makes you feel more responsible and like you own the living situation.
This collaborative approach makes it easier for you and your adult child to talk to each other. It encourages your adult child to actively keep your home comfortable and respectful, which is good for everyone.
Consider amending the rules, when necessary.
Recognize that situations and needs can change over time, and be willing to go over the house rules and standards again if necessary.
Check-in with your adult child on a regular basis and have open conversations about how they are living, addressing any concerns or ideas for change.
By staying open and adaptable, you can make sure that the rules you’ve set up continue to help everyone live positively and respectfully.
Showing that you’re ready to make changes when they’re needed not only helps you and your adult child talk to each other better but also builds trust and mutual respect.
Have tighter behavior expectations if you have younger kids in the house.
When younger kids are around, it’s important to set clear rules for how your adult child should act.
Younger siblings can learn a lot from what older siblings do and how they act, so make sure your adult child knows how important it is to act well and support family values.
Setting higher standards for behavior when younger peers are around creates a supportive and caring environment that helps everyone in the family grow and develop healthily.
Encourage open conversation and stress the importance of working together and respecting each other to keep your living at home together running smoothly.
Never expect to regulate personal habits.
Don’t think you can control other people’s habits. As a mother, it’s important to remember that adult children have the right to be independent, including having their own habits and tastes.
You can set rules for shared living spaces and enforce household rules, but it’s important to accept your adult child’s right to make their own decisions in their personal life.
Always practice open communication and give advice when needed, but don’t force your expectations or decisions on them.
Letting them do what they want can create a healthy, supportive living situation that helps them grow and become more independent.
Don’t parent… advice.
As your child becomes an adult and faces new challenges, it’s important to find a balance between giving advice and letting them learn from their own mistakes.
Instead of being their “mom” when the kids were younger, try being a helpful guide instead.
Encourage open communication and be ready to share your knowledge when they ask, but also give them room to make their own choices and learn from their mistakes.
This way, your adult child can learn to be independent and strong while benefiting from your wisdom and experience.
When you’re feeling controlled by your child
It’s important to keep a good mix of authority within the family. If you think your adult child is trying to control or manage the situation, step back and look at what’s happening.
Talk about your worries by being honest about how you feel and discussing any problems that may arise. Remind them how important it is to treat each other with respect and stay within the limits that have been set.
Also, remind them of other arrangements regarding their jobs and responsibilities within the family.
By handling any power imbalances and keeping a collaborative attitude, you can keep everyone in the family living in a peaceful and respectful environment.
Start paying their way.
As a young adult, your grown child needs to help pay for living costs and learn to be responsible with money.
Encourage them to pay rent, gas, and other bills immediately. By helping pay for housing costs, they learn the value of money, get better at budgeting, and feel more responsible for where they live.
This not only makes it easier on the parents financially, but it also gives the adult child a sense of ownership and responsibility, which will help them move toward full freedom in the future.
“Requiring adult children who live at home to contribute to household expenses is an effective way of teaching them an essential life skill. It helps set the foundation for a successful financial future,” says Maureen Lezama, a mother of three and mental health professional.
Set a move-out date.
Helping your adult child grow and become independent requires a clear move-out plan. Consider their income, career ambitions, and personal growth to select a sensible move-out date.
If you set a deadline, your adult child will be more likely to prepare, take chances, and work hard to become self-sufficient. Check-ins can track progress and adjust schedules.
This guarantees that you and your adult child remain committed to independence and assisting them to move into their own residence.
Final Thoughts
Parenting a 20-year-old kid who lives at home can be difficult, but it can also improve your bond and provide new memories.
You can promote harmony and support by setting clear expectations and limitations, establishing boundaries, and encouraging open and honest communication between all family members.
It’s thrilling to watch your duties change. As your child matures, you can become a supportive guide and advisor rather than a controlling parent. Let’s honor their independence and develop family respect and understanding.
You and your older child learn constantly. It’s nice that relationships change. It’s good to talk, decide, and wait!
Your ultimate goal is to see your older child thrive and become responsible, self-sufficient, and independent.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I make my adult kid follow house rules without making things awkward between us?
Open communication and respect for each other are important. Talk about the rules together and ensure that you understand what is expected of you and why. Encourage your young adult to tell you what’s bothering them or how things could improve. This will help create a collaborative setting.
It’s hard for my grown-up child to find a job. How can I help them without making them reliant on me?
Tell them to look for work and learn new skills constantly. Give advice and help, but don’t do their work for them. Set a deadline for getting a new job to make them feel responsible and move quickly.
How can I respect my grown-up child’s privacy while keeping family values?
Set clear limits and standards, and talk about how important it is to respect each other’s privacy. Believe in your adult child’s ability to make good choices that align with family standards.
Should I charge rent to my grown-up child while they live at home?
Charging a fair share of rent to your adult child can help them learn to be responsible with money and help out around the house. Talk to them about this and agree on a fair amount considering how much money they have right now.
How can I help my 20-year-old kid make the change to living independently?
Set a realistic date for them to move out, help them look for work, and push them to learn important life skills like planning and time management. Help and advice when needed, but let them learn from their mistakes.
References:
Pew Research Center: It’s becoming more common for young adults to live at home – and for longer stretches;https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2017/05/05/its-becoming-more-common-for-young-adults-to-live-at-home-and-for-longer-stretches/
Personal Finance: 8 mistakes parents make when their 20-something kids move back in; https://www.businessinsider.com/personal-finance/mistakes-parents-make-with-adult-children-living-at-home
