Key Takeaways:
- Teens often feel excluded from social groups, making them question their worth.
- Validating and reassuring their daughter can help.
- Helping teens understand why they feel left out, building their self-worth, teaching them healthy problem-solving skills, and encouraging them to pursue their interests and make new friends are crucial.
- If emotional distress persists, affects daily life, leads to self-harm or suicidal thoughts, social withdrawal, behavior or mood changes, or difficulty managing emotions, seek professional help.
“My daughter is being left out by her friend group lately. They’re always making plans without her and are not as friendly to her as they used to be. She is in middle school, and I worry about how she feels about herself.”
A concerned mom recently shared her worries with me. It’s a heartbreaking experience for parents to witness their teens feeling excluded, questioning their worth, and struggling to find their place.
But here’s the truth: Many teenagers have to deal with being left out of social groups.
It’s a painful experience that can leave them feeling unloved and questioning their value.
As guardians, we have the chance to guide and nurture our teens through these challenging times, helping them weather the emotional storms and come out stronger.
In this article, we’ll give you practical tips to help your teen handle and overcome the problems of being left out of a group.
Using these strategies, you can help your teen build a stronger sense of self, become more resilient, and make real, lasting connections with others.
But before we jump in, let’s talk about some of the reasons why a teen girl might feel excluded by her friends:
- Changing dynamicsAs teenagers grow and change, their peer relationships can change. Her friends may have made new friends or found new hobbies, which could make her feel left out.
- Differences in interests or hobbiesIf the girl’s hobbies or interests differ significantly from her friends, she might feel excluded when they do things together or talk.
- Social cliques or exclusionary behaviorTeenagers sometimes form social clubs or act in ways that leave others feeling alone, intentionally or not.
- Miscommunication or misunderstandingsIf there needs to be clear communication or misunderstandings among the group of friends, the girl may feel left out because she may not know about plans or essential information.
- Actual or perceived rejection even if her friends don’t mean to, the girl may see some of their actions or behaviors as rejection. This idea can make you feel like you need to be better.
- Peer pressureIf the girl doesn’t follow specific rules or expectations in her friend group, she may be left out or feel like she doesn’t belong.
- Low self-esteem or self-confidencePersonal insecurities can make a girl feel ignored because she may think she is less worthy of friendship.
It’s important to remember that every situation is different and that a girl can feel excluded for many reasons. Understanding these reasons can help parents and other adults help and guide their daughters in the right way.
Understand the impact on your daughter’s life of being socially excluded.
Understanding the impact of social exclusion on your daughter’s life is crucial. Parents need to recognize the harm and effects it can have on her health and development. Guardians can provide the necessary help and guidance by understanding how being left out can make kids feel. Here are some expected consequences of being excluded from a group.
- Emotional distress
- Self-esteem issues
- Social isolation or social anxiety
- Negative self-perception
- Academic performance
- Decreased social skills
- Increased stress and anxiety
Knowing about these effects can help parents and other caregivers give their daughters the support and guidance they need to manage these problems.
So, what can you do as a parent?
There are several things parents can do to nurture their daughter when she feels left out by her friends:
Validate her feelings.
When your daughter feels left out, it’s essential to acknowledge and accept her emotions. Tell her her feelings are natural and understandable, and give her a safe place to discuss them without judgment. Validating her feelings helps build trust, gives her a sense of emotional security, and shows her that her experiences are valued and respected.
Make home a safe place to share and express what’s going on.
Create an environment where your daughter feels comfortable sharing her experiences and emotions. Encourage open communication by listening, showing empathy, and not giving your opinion. Tell her she can say what she thinks without worrying about being judged or laughed at. By making your home safe and accepting, you give her a place to be herself and ask for comfort and guidance when needed.
Listen without judgment.
When your daughter tells you something, be a good listener and don’t give your opinion or criticism. Give her your full attention, try to understand her point of view, and don’t jump to conclusions. Let her know that you’re there to listen and understand.
This will give her a safe place to communicate about how she feels. By listening without judging, you build trust, strengthen your relationship, and make it easier for her to talk about how she feels and what she thinks.
Provide reassurance and comfort.
When your daughter feels left out, try to comfort her and make her feel better. Tell her that you love, value, and support her no matter what. Recognize her feelings and reassure her that things will get better. This shows that you care and understand her. You can help ease her anxiety and make her feel safe by being there for her, reminding her that she is not alone in dealing with these problems.
Help her to understand why she feels left out.
Talk to her in an honest and caring way to find out why she feels the way she does. Encourage her to think about her own experiences and how she thinks about them.
Helping her understand what makes her feel rejected gives her the power to make sense of her emotions and maybe devise ways to fix the problem. This process helps people become more self-aware and sets the stage for personal growth and toughness.
Build her self-esteem.
Focus on nurturing your daughter’s confidence and self-worth. Help your daughter feel confident and good about herself. Recognize her strengths, accomplishments, and good qualities, and spotlight her unique talents and skills. Help her set attainable goals and support her as she works toward them.
Give her praise and acknowledgment for her efforts. This will help her feel good at what she does and believe in herself. Building her self-value gives her the tools to handle social problems with resilience and a good view of herself.
Teach healthy coping skills.
Help your daughter find and use healthy ways to manage her emotions of being left out. Explore different things and ways to do them together, like keeping a journal, being creative, playing sports, exercising, or finding peace in nature. Promote self-care practices, mindfulness, and stress management techniques.
Helping her find healthy ways to deal with her emotions gives her the tools to handle challenging situations and stay fit.
Nurture her interests and strengths.
Help your daughter follow her passions and grow her unique skills. Help her find activities and hobbies that fit with what she’s interested in. Give her chances to learn and grow in areas where she has potential. Celebrate what she has done well and motivate her to be herself.
By focusing on her strengths and interests, you can help her feel more confident, develop a sense of who she is, and find happiness outside of social interactions. This will improve her overall health.
Encourage open communication.
Create an atmosphere where honest and open communication is valued and encouraged. Tell your daughter she can say what she thinks, feels, and worries without fear of being judged. Be easy to talk to, pay attention, and respond when she starts a conversation. Create a safe place where she doesn’t feel judged and can talk about her experiences and ask for help.
By encouraging open communication, you can strengthen your relationship, learn more about her world, and work together to solve problems and better understand each other.
Make sure your daughter practices self-care.
Teach and motivate your daughter to prioritize taking care of herself daily. Help her figure out what she can do to improve her physical, emotional, and mental health. This could mean learning to relax, eat well, get enough sleep, and do things she enjoys.
Tell her to set limits, say “no” when she needs to, and give herself time. By emphasizing self-care, you give her the tools to manage her overall health and resilience. This helps her handle problems better and builds a strong foundation for well-being.
Show a lot of love and spend time together.
Show your daughter you love and care for her no matter what. Use words and actions to show how much you care about and value her. Make quality time a priority by doing things together, like going on trips, sharing hobbies, or just talking about things that matter.
This time together strengthens your relationship, gives you a sense of safety, and lets you get to know each other better. By loving and spending time with her, you create a safe place where she feels loved, supported, and understood.
Help her find her tribe.
Encourage your daughter to find a group of people who accept her for who she is and value her. Help her find groups, clubs, or organizations that share her interests and values. Encourage her to do things where she can meet people who like the same things she does.
By helping her find her tribe, you give her a chance to make meaningful connections, create new friendships, feel like she belongs, and hang out with people who like and care about her.
When to seek professional help?
It’s essential for your daughter’s health that you know when to get professional help, even with crucial parental guidance and support. Sometimes, a school counselor or other professional needs to step in. Here are some signs that it might be time to seek help from a professional:
The emotional distress that lasts or worsens
If your daughter’s feelings of being left out, sadness, or anxiety last long or deteriorate, she may need professional help. Professionals can give her specialized service and interventions to fit her needs.
Effects on daily life
“It’s always better to be safe than sorry,” says Maureen Lezama, a mom of a teenager and a self-help writer. “If you see abrupt changes of behavior, such as not showering, skipping classes, weight loss, or destroying things, you need to seek help immediately. She may be going through an emotional crisis and helping her on your own may not be enough.”
If her feelings of being left out significantly impact her day-to-day life, such as affecting her schoolwork, relationships, overall ability to function, or even her physical health, she should get professional help. Professionals can help determine what’s happening and devise ways to solve problems.
Self-harm or suicidal thoughts:
Another risk factor is when your daughter says she wants to hurt herself or kill herself, getting professional help immediately is essential. Get help right away by calling mental health hotlines or emergency services.
Social withdrawal or isolation:
If she consistently avoids social activities or interactions, stops doing things she used to enjoy, or spends less time with friends, this could be a sign of deeper problems. A mental health professional can help her deal with these worries and help her get back in touch with people.
Changes in behavior or mood
If your daughter’s behavior changes, such as increased irritability, mood swings, loss of interest, or changes in eating and sleeping habits, seek professional help. These shifts in her own behavior may indicate emotional distress from feeling left out. Prompt support promotes her well-being.
Difficulty managing emotions
If your daughter has trouble controlling her emotions, has frequent outbursts of anger, or has difficulty dealing with stress, she may need professional help to learn how to manage and control her emotions.
Remember that getting help from a professional is not a sign that you are a terrible parent but rather a step you can take to make sure your daughter is safe and healthy. A mental health professional, like a therapist or counselor, can help her through challenges and teach her healthy ways to handle them by giving her expert advice, doing an assessment, and giving her evidence-based interventions.
Guide your teen through it.
As parents, it’s hard for us to see our daughters being excluded. But remember, you’re not alone.
Use this parents’ advice to show love and lead your child through this stage. Problems teach our daughters to be strong and remind them that better times are coming. Tell them to find one or two friends who like them and remember that other girls may also be looking for friends.
Tell them that other people’s opinions don’t determine how valuable they are. Be patient and be their rock, creating a safe place for them to talk about their feelings and find comfort.
Trust that our daughters can make real friends and be there for them every step of the way.
References:
Mayo Clinic: Teen Depression; https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/teen-depression/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20350991
American Foundation For Suicide Prevention: https://afsp.org/about-afsp/
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration: Warning Signs and Risk Factors for Emotional Distress; https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/disaster-distress-helpline/warning-signs-risk-factors
