I’ve been a parent for several years, but it’s never been easy. My kids have always been a joy to me, and they’ve provided me with some of the most fulfilling moments of my life. But sometimes, it can feel like they’re not getting as much out of our relationship as I am—and that hurts me.
As a parent, you want nothing more than to be close to your children. You want them to feel safe and loved in your presence, but that just doesn’t happen.
I know what it’s like to feel frustrated, sad, and helpless when your child has shut down. It feels like they don’t care about you anymore, but that couldn’t be further from the truth! Your child still loves you more than anything, even if she isn’t showing it right now.
The relationship between a mother and daughter can be one of the most special and meaningful in a woman’s life. The bond between you is one that will last through the rest of your life, even if your relationship becomes rocky at times.
But what happens when she starts to pull away? Is it just teenage angst? Or could there be something deeper going on?
Well… we’ve got some answers for you!
Why Do Daughters Pull Away From Their Mothers?
It’s a heartbreaking situation: you’re a mother, and your daughter is suddenly pulling away from you.
You can’t help yourself from thinking, “What did I do wrong?” And maybe that’s true! Maybe there was something you did to make her feel this way.
But maybe not! There is a reason why she is pulling away from you, and it’s probably because of one of these reasons:
She is going through puberty—and feeling weird about it.
One of the most common reasons daughters pull away from their mothers is puberty. She is probably feeling weird about her changing body, but she doesn’t want to discuss it with you because she doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable.
The changes that occur during puberty can be confusing and overwhelming for our kids, especially if they’re trying to figure out who they are and what they believe in. It’s natural for them to want distance from us while they sort through these new thoughts and behavior!
Sometimes kids who are getting older will hide who they really are, and that includes how they relate to their parents. It’s not about you at all!
But this can be hard for both mom and daughter! When your daughter starts growing up and discovering new things about herself that separate her from you, she may think she has to choose between being herself or being with you.
She might push away from you because she’s afraid of losing her best friend (you) in the process of becoming her own person. It might seem like there isn’t enough room in her life for both of those things at once—but there is!
Just remember that if your child has chosen to be herself over being with you right now, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you anymore—it just means she’s growing up into an amazing human being who knows what makes her happy, and that’s okay!
She is overwhelmed by school or other obligations.
As your daughter ages, there are more expectations on her time and energy—including school, extra activities, and even careers! This can make maintaining a close relationship with you difficult for her because there isn’t enough time left over for family time when everyone else needs attention too (like siblings).
It’s common for teenage girls to feel overwhelmed by their schoolwork or extracurricular obligations. If she’s a high achiever, she might be taking on too much in school or extracurricular activities. Or, if she’s working one or more jobs while also going to school, she might be struggling to keep up.
As a result, she may not have as much time for you as she did when she was younger. What’s more, she may be feeling insecure about her grades or struggling to make new friends, leading her to pull away from you emotionally. The best thing you can do in this situation is to give her space—but let her know that you’re always there for her if she wants to chat.
So, if you find that she is suddenly spending less time with you, it’s because she’s feeling overwhelmed and needs some distance to sort things out. It’s important to remember that this isn’t about how much they love you—it’s about how much time they have left over after everything else in their lives has taken its place on their priority list.
And as a mother, you can offer your support by helping her to prioritize her commitments and letting her know that it’s okay to cut back sometimes. Make sure that she knows you love her no matter what happens in her life!
She has her own life now.
As your child gets older, it’s only natural that she’ll want to focus on building her own life—and that may mean spending less time with you. It can be tough to see your little girl grow up and establish herself as an independent adult, but it’s important to give her the room to do so.
She’ll naturally start to develop her own interests, hobbies, and friends. This is a normal and healthy part of becoming an independent adult. However, it can be tough for mothers to adjust to the fact that their daughters are no longer as interested in spending time with them as they used to be. But remember, she’s not really gone—she’s just got her own life now!
After years of living under your roof and following your rules, she’s ready to forge her own path and live her life on her own terms. This can be a tough pill for mothers to swallow, but it’s important to remember that she’s not doing this to hurt you; she’s doing it because she needs to find herself.
Years ago, when her main focus was on school and spending time with her friends, it was still easy for you to be a big part of her life. But now that she’s an adult with a career, a partner, and perhaps even children of her own, she doesn’t have as much time for you as she used to.
And while they still love and appreciate their mothers, they don’t need them in the same way they did when they were children. This can be a difficult adjustment for mothers who are used to being intimately involved in their daughters’ lives.
The key here is to respect your her need for independence and give her the freedom to develop her own identity. Find a way to support her as she enters this new stage of her life without being too overbearing. Allow her space to grow and explore, but also make sure she knows that you’re always there for her if she needs you.
She is still reeling from the effects of childhood trauma.
If your child experienced any kind of trauma during her childhood—whether it was abuse, neglect, or something else—it’s possible that she’s still dealing with the aftermath all these years later. And unfortunately, that can manifest itself in a number of ways, including pulling away from you as her mother.
Some kids grow up in homes where they are never encouraged or allowed to express themselves and their feelings. Maybe they had parents who didn’t listen, or possibly, they felt shamed for being too sensitive or vulnerable, which led them to believe that expressing themselves was dangerous or wrong. Or maybe they were physically hurt by someone who was supposed to love them unconditionally, so now they have trust issues with other people—including you and your spouse!
When she was young, perhaps you were too strict or overly critical (or perhaps she just felt overwhelmed by having to be around you), and now she doesn’t feel safe in your presence anymore. She may also have felt neglected or rejected by you in some way, which can make her know how to interact with you anymore—and that makes it hard for her to want to spend time with you.
If you have a strained relationship with your child, she may feel like she doesn’t want to get close because then it will remind her of that pain or those memories. This is especially true if the trauma happened around the same time as her puberty—this can make it even harder for her to open up.
Your child may think she needs to protect herself emotionally, which can lead to her shutting you out. It’s not uncommon for survivors of childhood trauma to have difficulty trusting people, especially their parents.
If you suspect that your daughter’s distance might be due to unresolved trauma, the best thing you can do is talk to her about it. Let her know that you love her, you’re there for her, and that you want to help her work through whatever she’s going through. It’s also important to seek professional help if needed.
She feels judged or shamed by you.
It’s no secret that mother-daughter relationships can be complicated! There are a lot of emotions involved, and sometimes those emotions can get in the way of communication.
It’s not unheard of for mothers and daughters to butt heads from time to time—after all, you’re two very different people! However, if your child feels like she can’t turn to you without being judged or shamed, she may start withdrawing from the relationship.
This is especially common if there’s a big difference in your values or beliefs (for example, if you’re very religious, but she isn’t). Maybe she grew up being told that she was never good enough, or perhaps your child feels like she can’t live up to your expectations.
If you’re constantly critiquing her clothes, her haircut, her boyfriend, and her friends, she may start to realize that she can’t please you no matter what she does. No one wants to disappoint their parent, so it’s not surprising that she would distance herself from you if she feels like she can’t make you happy.
If this is the case, try to take a step back and assess the way you communicate with her.
Are you quick to criticize or judge her?
If so, try toning down your reactions and approach problems with a more level head. It may take some time, but hopefully, doing so will help repair your contact with your child.
Again, the key here is communication.
Let her know that you love and support her no matter what— even if you don’t always agree with everything she does. By creating an atmosphere of acceptance and understanding, you’ll encourage her to open up more about what’s going on in her life. And always try to focus more on giving her positive reinforcement than negative criticism.
What Went Wrong With My Parent-Daughter Relationship?
If you’re a parent, you’ve likely experienced the heart-wrenching moment when your adult child says they don’t want to be part of your life anymore. It can feel like you’ve been punched in the gut, and you may be wondering what went wrong.
When your child is emotionally distant from you, it’s like the end of the world! Your connection with your grown-up children is not what they envisage—in fact, it can be pretty difficult and emotionally challenging.
You want to spend time with her and get to know her, but she’s not interested in spending time with you. It’s hard not to take this personally—but it doesn’t have to be! The truth is, there are a number of reasons why parents and their grown-up children detach from each other.
Mothers obviously play a vital role in the lives of their children. They are the first people that children interact with and learn from. The relationship that moms have with their children is crucial in the development of a child’s emotional and social well-being.
So, what happens when that connection starts to break down? How can a parent and child reconnect after years of estrangement? We’ll explore some of those possible reasons and offer some suggestions for what you can do to address the issue!
5 Main Reasons For The Parent-Child Disconnection
You’re trying too hard or too little.
It’s no secret that many mothers try too hard to be their kids’ best friends and end up failing in their parenting duties, but it’s just as common for moms to not try hard enough at being good parents. Either way, it can lead to a strained relationship between parent and child—and that’s never healthy for anyone involved.
When a child is going through a difficult time or dealing with new emotions, she may withdraw from her parents. This is normal, but it can be hard for mothers who are used to having a close connection with their children.
If this happens in your family, try not to take it personally! Your child just needs some space right now; don’t try too hard or push her away—instead, let her know that you’re always there when she needs you.
On the other hand, some moms feel they should step back and give their space when they’re going through something difficult—but then they forget about them altogether!
This can lead to feelings of neglect on both sides and ultimately cause even more problems between parent and child than there were before. The best thing to do when she is going through something difficult is to make sure that she knows you’re there for her, without trying too hard or pushing her away.
Often, when we try to force something on our children, we end up pushing them away instead of drawing them closer. It’s important to stay open, listen carefully, and show affection even when they don’t seem like they want it in return. This will give them the freedom they need while still letting them know that you care about their faith and needs too!
Lack of trust and communication.
If your daughter doesn’t feel like she can talk to you about important things, or if she feels like she can’t trust what you say, then she might start keeping her behavior inside—and that could lead to resentment.
Trust and communication are one of the most important components of any relationship—including a parent-child bond. So, ensure both parties feel safe enough to voice their opinions and concerns!
If your child is reluctant to open up about what’s going on in her life, or if she seems to have trouble communicating with you, then there might be some trust issues at play here.
Sometimes, parents don’t want to discuss specific topics with their kids because they don’t want to worry them or make them feel insecure. However, this can lead to an unspoken rift between parent and child that can cause problems later on in life.
She might also think that she can’t talk to you about certain issues because they’re too personal. If you’re not open to talking about your feelings, your child won’t feel comfortable sharing hers with you. This can lead to an awkward distance between the two of you, and ultimately, a lack of intimacy.
If your relationship is strained because of this, it could be why she’s distant from you now. Be sure to communicate openly and honestly with your child so she knows she can trust you and rely on you as a source of support and guidance.
You’re emotionally unavailable.
Even though our children may seem independent and self-sufficient on the outside, they still need emotional support from us—especially when things aren’t going well in their lives.
If we’re not there for them during the tough times—or if we’ve always been more focused on practical support rather than emotional support—they may start to feel like we don’t really care about them.
Some parents just don’t know how to show love or affection in ways that their daughters will understand—for example, by texting them regularly or making time for them during the week. If you’re always busy or distracted, your child may feel ignored or undervalued by you. She needs to know that she’s important to you—and that means making time for her when she needs it.
If your child feels like she can’t count on you when she needs it most—whether that’s due to work stress or another reason—she may misunderstand that she has no one to turn to. If this happens often enough, it could cause her to detach from you and seek out other support networks (like friends, boyfriend, or other family members).
And if your child feels like she doesn’t matter to her parent, then it’s no wonder she’d want to spend less time around them!
If this is happening in your family, it might be time for some family therapy or even individual counseling so everyone can get the help they need to start rebuilding their relationships from the ground up.
Different beliefs and expectations.
When your daughter is growing up, she’s forming her own opinions about life, love, career, and everything in between. While these opinions may differ from yours, it doesn’t mean that she has bad values or a bad attitude—it just means that she’s finding her way in this world, just like we all do at some point in our lives!
If there are things you expect of her that she doesn’t agree with or feel comfortable with, this can cause some tension in your relationship. The same is true if there are values you hold dear that she doesn’t agree with or vice versa.
You may have always expected her to be a certain way, but she’s not living up to those assumptions. Or perhaps she has different ideas about what it means to be a good parent than you do.
Maybe she thinks that if you love her, it means letting her do whatever she wants, even if it hurts others or herself. Possibly, she thinks that being a good parent means getting involved in all of the activities she wants to do, even if they’re dangerous or unhealthy.
If your family has different beliefs or expectations about how things should work between you and them, then those parenting differences are going to cause problems in your relationship at some point or another—and probably sooner rather than later!
You’re living in different worlds.
Sometimes, a parent and child can be so different that they are literally living in two different worlds. This is especially true if you have a kid who is more independent or self-sufficient than other kids their age.
The world our kids live in isn’t the same as the one we grew up in. And that’s not just because of technology—it’s also because of our changing attitudes about gender roles, relationships, and even money.
Your child is busy with her friends and college classes while you’re still focused on your career and other parenting responsibilities. You might not understand each other’s priorities, which can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
She may feel like she can’t relate to you anymore because she’s growing up and developing her own interests and companions. Your life may be so focused on your family that you don’t realize how far apart your children are from you until it’s too late.
It’s important to respect your teenagers’ decisions and give them space to live life on their own terms—but it’s also important for parents to make sure they’re still involved in their child’s life.
6 Steps To Rekindle The Relationship With Your Adult Children
Parenting is a learning process.
When you’re first starting out, there are so many things you don’t know about your child or how to handle them. But as time goes on, you start to get a better understanding of who they are—and what makes them tick. You learn how to make them happy and how to handle their tantrums.
But sometimes… things go wrong. It might seem like something is missing in your relationship with your child, or she’s just not connecting with you anymore. You might be asking yourself, “Why is my daughter distant from me now?” It can be hard to know how to fix this, especially if it feels like everything has changed so much over time!
The good news is that there are lots of ways you can rekindle that connection between mom and daughter. Here are six steps you can take to make sure your relationship is on solid ground:
Communicate Openly And Honestly With Her
The first step is to open up a dialogue between you and your child. You’ll want to chat about what’s going on in her life, as well as how she feels about the relationship between the two of you.
You may have noticed that she seems more distant than usual, but if you don’t understand what it is that bugs her, how can you fix it? Sit down with her and ask her questions about herself and her life. If she’s avoiding you, don’t freak out!
She may not know how to express her behavior or needs in words, so try asking questions that help her open up: “What’s going on?” or “Is there something going on at school?” It’s okay if you don’t have all of the answers at first—just keep talking until you both feel heard and understood by each other.
Remember that if she feels like she can’t discuss with you about what’s going on in her life, she may begin to feel more and more disconnected from you—and that will only make things worse! So, be sure to make it clear that you’re open to talking about anything—especially if she needs advice or help to navigate something new or difficult.
Don’t hold back—let her know what you’re thinking and feeling without worrying about spoiling her feelings or making things worse than they already are! Your relationship will only improve if you can talk openly and honestly about what’s going on between the two of you.
Listen Attentively And With An Open Mind
It’s easy for parents (especially us moms!) to get defensive when their kids say something they don’t agree with or feel strongly about. Remember that this isn’t about proving them wrong—it’s about listening so that together, as a team, you both can figure out what’s best for everyone involved!
When your children talk, listen attentively and with an open mind. Don’t judge her or try to change her, just listen. You might not agree with everything she says but try not to let that get in the way of hearing what she has to say.
Take some time to consider what your child has told you. Don’t judge or criticize her point of view—just listen carefully and try to understand where she’s coming from. You may find some insight into why she’s acting out or distancing herself from you, which could help bring things back together again!
Show Interest In The Things She Enjoys Doing
This one may seem obvious, but it’s actually super important! If your child is distant from you, it could be because she feels like she doesn’t have anything in common with you. You can help by showing an interest in what she likes to do—even if it’s not something that interests you!
When she sees that you’re trying to understand her interests and make them a part of your life together, it will go a long way toward helping her feel closer to you. You don’t have to become a cheerleader for everything she does, but if you can show that you’re interested in what she does in her spare time, it’ll help build up trust between the two of you.
Try joining her for a game or concert if she’s into sports or music. If she’s into art or science, learn more about it by going on field trips or reading books together. You can also consider signing up for an activity that both of you enjoy doing together—perhaps something outdoorsy like hiking or biking, or perhaps something indoorsy like painting pottery or baking cookies together.
Whatever it is, make sure it’s something that makes both of you happy!
Don’t Criticize Her Or Try To Change Her
You might think that criticizing your daughter and giving her advice is a good way to get her to do what you want. But it’s NOT. Instead, try asking questions that will help her figure out what she wants, and then let her take the lead in the conversation.
It’s tempting when we see our children making mistakes or falling short of our expectations for them to try to fix those mistakes by criticizing them or trying to change them into something different from who they are.
But this will only drive them further away from you—and make them feel like they can’t be themselves around their own parents! Instead of criticizing or trying to change your child, try listening instead. Let her know that even though she isn’t perfect, she is still important and loved just as much as ever before.
Your child is a grown-up now and has her own ideas about how she wants to live her life. She doesn’t need your help with this process—she’s got this! Let her know that you love her as she is, instead of judging her for not being more like who YOU think she should be. Just let her be herself!
Give Her Space When She Needs It
Just because your child lives in the same house as you doesn’t mean she wants to spend every second with you! Give her space when she needs it—you will find that when there is less pressure on both of you, she will come back around with more love than ever before!
Sometimes all kids really want is a little time alone with their thoughts. They might not always tell us what’s going on in their heads, but that doesn’t mean they don’t need some time out of the spotlight every once in a while.
Your child may not want to spend as much time with you as she used to, but don’t take it personally—that could just be part of growing up! Don’t force yourself into her life just because you want more contact with your daughter; instead, give her space when she needs it and encourage her to talk about whatever is happening in her life when she is ready.
Let Her Know That You Love Her Unconditionally—No Matter What!
One of the most important things in a parent-child relationship is knowing that your child knows they can count on your love and support no matter what happens in their lives. Your love for her is unconditional—you always have her back no matter what happens between the two of you—so be sure not to take any distance personally!
When your daughter is ready for more time together, show her that even though things have changed between the two of you in recent years, nothing has changed about how much she means to you. Showing your love through words and actions will help strengthen the bond between you and her again!
Remember that this is just a phase in both of your lives—one day soon enough, they’ll feel like distant memories, and you’ll look back on them fondly as a time when things were complicated but good most of the time.
It’s Not Too Late To Reconnect With Your Daughter
Help! My daughter is distant from me!
Yes, we hear you loud and clear. And we hope that this article gave you some insights on how to address the situation.
If you feel disconnected from your grown-up child, know that you’re not alone. It’s a common problem among parents and their grown children. But it doesn’t have to be this way forever. There is hope! Reconnecting with your daughter is not too late, and it may not be as difficult as you think.
Discuss your concerns with your child and see if there’s anything you can do to reconnect. Remember that even though they’re adults now, they’ll always be your baby—no matter how much time passes or how far apart you are.
It doesn’t matter how old they are or how long they’ve been since you last saw each other—your child still wants your love and support as much as ever. And when she gets it from you, she’ll find herself connecting back with her own love and support for YOU!
